im mari ^^
im from choshi, chiba prefecture in japan, but at the moment im in auckland, new zealand studying english and experiencing a different culture.
i am of mixed japanese and french ancestry (father is half-japanese half-french, mother is japanese)
and my favourite things to do are go shopping at the body shop, going to the cinema and sleeping in.
my blog entries consist of my experiences studying and living in new zealand and personal thoughts that i have that i couldnt share in real life.
enjoy ^^

こんにちわ
マリでよろしくおねがいします＾＾
もともと千葉県の銚子からなんですけど
今はオークランドニュー・ジランドで英語を勉強しています。
私はミックスなんで（父は日本とフランスのハーフで母は日本人）。
趣味はボディー・ショップで買い物をするのと映画を見に行くのも好きです。　遅くまで寝るのも好きです。　笑
私のブログポーストはニュー・ジランドに住んでいる思いとかなんです
人の顔に言うえない事とかもここで全部書きます。
どんどん今からも読んで下さいね　＾＾

today was an awful day. i dont want to list how it was awful because itll just make me feel crappy all over again.
so instead of writing about today, ill just write about this week.

ive had exams lately, so thats why i havent been posting in the last couple of days.
theyre only practice exams but we're expected to treat them like real exams.
which i guess is reasonable enough considering that at around this time of year we should already be starting to worry about our finals.

sigh.
i have to admit, the (sort of) highlight of this week has to be that michael added me on facebook. lolol
how very schoolgirlish of me. but it was such a high.
every time ive gotten a friend request, i used to wish so badly that itd be him.
and then as the page would finish loading it would just be some random who i apparently shared a mutual friend with.
and then, it happened.
it really happened.
it was just a buzzing hot feeling that rushed from my fingertips to my head.
it took me 45 minutes to add him. i wanted to be 'cool' about it, but he probably wasnt even online when i added him.
jeez.

of course, i went through his page, looked through his photos, read his comments.
i dont think he uses facebook alot. there wasnt a whole lot on there.
but.
on facebook, theres all sorts of quizzes and surveys you can take.
i saw on his page that hed taken a quiz called 'whats the first letter of the name of the person thinking about you?'
and his result came up as 'S'. as in SHERI.
he'd even commented on it saying how shocked he was.
then he commented a friend asking them to look at his result.
he obviously took it as a big deal.
which is sucky on my end because it means he still cares about sheri.
which i really wish he didnt but hey.
im actually starting to get over him.
like im not even kidding, his appeal has started to wear off.
just as he added me, huh?

theres something unappealing about liking someone who already likes someone else. especially when that someone else happens to be your best friend.
im not really prepared to be the 'backup' for when sheri lets him down.
oh by the way, she got a boyfriend. haha.
which at the end of the day, only complicates things further.
she doesnt even like her boyfriend. they hooked up while sheri was drunk at zane's party a couple of weeks ago, but the dude took it as a serious thing because apparently hes had a thing for her for 2 years.
and then at school it was all awkward and they had to have all kinds of talks about what it all meant for them.
and last friday, she announced to me that they were now a couple.
i wonder if michael knows. hed be absolutely crushed.
in a way i feel bad for him. theres nothing worse than finding out that someone who you believed you had potential with, ran off and got a boyfriend without even talking to you first.
that would really suck. i couldnt even begin to comprehend the humiliation of it all.
but, on the other hand, he didnt really do anything about it.
he couldve been proactive about the whole thing really.
he kissed her, yet then he didnt do anything to follow it up. a kiss and run, if you will.
sheri told me that hes still dropping hints that hes interested and all.
i dont think thats enough for her. i think she really just wanted him to come forth and proclaim his undenying love for her.
which is honestly a little unrealistic, especially from a guy like him.
hes a goodlooking and sweet guy, but i can tell that he hasnt had a whole lot of experience with girls.
even sheri knows that, but she still wanted him to be honest with his feelings. which i guess is understandable as well.
and now shes off with some new guy.
michael is going to be shattered.

the thing is, he added me around the time that sheri and this guy got together.
so maybe he found out about them and thought that he could use me as his last chance at a relationship.
im telling you now, there is no way in hell i am letting myself be the back up.
if you want to get with me, it has to be because you like me and not because the girl you really wanted went off with some other guy.
if he tries to pursue me, im going to tell him that.
im going to tell him that he cant just come running and crying to me because the girl who he actually cares about didnt want him back.
because i know that if i do get with him, the whole time hes still going to be thinking about sheri.
im not letting myself be the rebound. noooooo way. he can keep dreaming.
not even at my peak of liking him would i have been okay with that. i have far too much self-respect for that.
i dont even like him that much anymore.
i still think hes cute, but i dont pine over him like i used to.
he sort of did that to himself. he put me off him.
which im glad, otherwise i wouldve had to resort to something crazy to get myself over him.
phew.

so thats whats been happening for me these last couple of days.
ive gotten over michael, and sheris gotten a new guy.
its sort of sad because michael went from having two girls liking him to zero, all in a matter of a couple of days.
oh well. its not like everyone got off easy.
sheris in a relationship but shes not exactly bursting with happiness and joy about it.
im still alone but im currently rekindling an obsession with jaejoong from tvqx (damn how could i ever get over that guy! hes a GOD!)
but michaels the worst off. broken-hearted and rejected. ouch.
i guess its high school. you have to be prepared for the ridiculous dramas.

now im going to watch videos of mr gorgeous aka jaejoong to cheer myself up and distract myself for the rest of the night.
ciao!

today was a nothing day.
literally.
nothing happened.
i dont even know why im posting at all because i just lounged around all day.

i woke up at 2pm, telling myself that today was the day id make an effort to write some of my study notes up.
i ended up rushing some french notes at 7pm while watching tv. they probably dont even make sense.
i didnt get any texts from anyone either.
i know theyre drinking right now.
like as in, right now.
as im sitting here in front of the computer, theyre probably drunk off their faces, sprawled all over the floor of sheris mums garage.
sigh.
but for some reason, it doesnt seem very appealing to me right now.

as soon as the drunk buzz has worn off and im just tired, i really just want to have a good shower, take off all my makeup, brush my teeth and sleep in my own bed. and wake up in my own bed, without having to wonder about how the hell im going to get home.
so in kind of happy about that. that i just get to relax.
im relaxed right now.
im just sitting in front of the computer in my pajamas, with freshly-washed nice smelling hair.
ive got no makeup on, im clean and the only thing i have to worry about this morning is when i have to get up.
and that shouldnt even count as a worry.
ive actually forgotten how nice all of this was.
chilling out by myself.
id actually sososo rather be here than in a shed, stinking of vodka and cigarettes and making a total dick out of myself.
michaels probably there as well, but for some reason, i just dont care.
sure id love to see him, but with seeing him comes the whole situation above.
i get to wake up smelling nice, feeling clean, having had a good nights rest and being able to chill out at home.
wow.
ive actually really missed this.
i thought that once i got into the whole drinking scene with sheri, there was no way i was going to miss staying at home for the whole weekend. i thought that id much rather be out having a crazy time and making some crazy memories with all my mates. but here i am, back again chilling out, and it feels so much better than being a wild child.
sure, once exams have finished and the terms over im gonna go crazy all over again.
but on the other side, its nice to have this contrast.

hmm. if i were at sheris right now, id probably be:

drunk off my absolute nut
probably limping from rolling my ankle in heels
moaning at vodka stains in my jeans
stinking of cigarette smoke while trying to resist smoking one myself
saying stupid things in front of people im trying to impress
rubbing at my eyes, making my eye makeup smudge all over my face and into my eye
wishing that i could just close my eyes and end up in my own bed.

i dont feel so bad not being there.
in fact i feel really good that im not there.
lately ive just been thinking and talking to jamilah about the whole thing. none of them are even thinking of going to university. me, on the other hand, am planning to go and finish a bachelor of arts at auckland university next year.
our future plans are completely contrasted to each other. im living the lifestyle of a person who isnt aspiring to amount to anything.
that was a big hit in the face for me.
david claimed that hes going to an 'international tourism academy'.
you fuckwit. its only 'international' because its tourism.

im bumming around, not doing any homework or study during the weekends and drinking which is ruining my short-term memory.
sure, for them its okay. their futures consist of tourism, early childcare and policing. none of which require a university degree education. all they have to do is attend some crappy course for a few weeks and theyre in.
me? i have to study my ass off for 4 years. but at least ill have real qualifications.
i need to sort myself out.
sure i can have the occasional bum-around weekend, but i cant live the same lifestyles as them.
taking a break from them has made me realise that.
i was stuck in their whirlwind but now that im out, i realise what i have to do.
if i was going to do a complete 180 and change my ways, id stop hanging out with them completely.
but theyre my friends and theyre good people so im not willing to ditch them just because schools important.
hmm. that sounded awful. im putting having a good time in front of my education and my future.
argh. im confused.
i just need to find a balance.
thats the word.
everythings gone out of balance.
i need to work hard and play hard, but lately ive only been playing hard.
nows where it all counts.
i need to pull my head in.
phew.

anyways, its getting late.
goodnight.